My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
