Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
