The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
