I accidentally had phone sex last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
