Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
