This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
