found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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