The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
