On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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