I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
