my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
