Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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