I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
