i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize