i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
