i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We have started to decorate penises.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
