Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
