hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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