im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
