So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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