I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
