The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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