omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
