If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
