you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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