I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
