need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
