if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
