Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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