In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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