you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
