K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My vagina is officially offended.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
