toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
