She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
