So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
