I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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