Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it glows. i had to have it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
