may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
