I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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