Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
