I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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