I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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