I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
