just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im just a social blackout drinker.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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