I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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