We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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