Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
