the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
