Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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