'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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