I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize