i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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