Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
