I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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