He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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