Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
