This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
