ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
