I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
