there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
