Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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