How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
