Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
