I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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