I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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