it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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