I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I party with great urgency now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
