he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
