my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
